Where are We?

President-elect Obama.

Was the election really only 9 days ago?

Doesn't it seem as though the whole world has changed since then?  It's as though we have a whole new outlook, a new range of possibilities that didn't exist before.  You knew the moment was coming, but didn't realize how profound a shift it would be until it really got here.

How could it be?  Many of my friends are strangely quiet, introspective, trying to get used to this new way of thinking and being.  Who knew that one man could enlist the hope and support of millions from all over the world?  Who knew that we could turn the race conversation on its head in one day?

We are used to thinking about crisis in terms of disaster.  

9/11.  Katrina.  Tsunami.  

Is there a word for an equally dynamic and sudden shift that is positive??

The 60's were about rebellion against the establishment.  About tearing down old structures.  

This is a different kind of revolution.  It is positive - constructive.  It's about hope.    Working together. 

Building something new.  

Fueled, in large part, by people too young to remember the sixties.  

And by those old enough to remember segregation.

I've seen huge shifts in personal thinking during mediation sessions and in the collaborative process - that aha! moment when people realize a new way of thinking.  One of those moments when everything changes for you and nothing will ever be the same.

And now it is as though the whole world has had that aha! moment.

Isn't it wonderful!?

 

Obama (the Mediator) for President

"The change we need isn't just about new programs and policies.  It's about a new politics - a politics that calls upon our better angels instead of encouraging our worst instincts; one that reminds us of the obligations we have to ourselves and one another." 

 -- Barack Obama, Canton, Ohio, October 27, 2008.

Mediation calls upon our "better angels."  And in mediation we learn to see a problem through another person's eyes.  In the family mediation that I practice, we all work together to figure out solutions that are good for ourselves and one another - for the whole family.  

Mediation is built upon a notion that people in conflict can work to solve a problem together.  But in order to do that, we must allow ourselves to see "that of God" in the other person.  We must disengage, if only for a few moments, from sparring with each other -- just long enough to hear what the other person is saying.  It is at that moment that they will also hear us.  Light and air come into the room.

Barack Obama is fundamentally inclusive. He understands, perhaps intuitively, the very core of mediation.  What would it mean if we had, as president, someone who was a mediator at his center?

I truly believe that the reason his campaign has come as far as it has is because it IS built on hope - on optimism, it calls on that which is truly good in us.  He calls us to be our highest selves.  And we, in turn, are rising to the task.  We are allowing ourselves to believe that love is possible, no matter what happens in war, with the economy.  We are allowing ourselves to believe that the best way to bring ourselves up from under is with each other.   We are all interconnected.  We need each other. 

A New Mindset!

"We are living in a society in which victims are compensated with money." - Rod Wells

Rod is one of my colleagues on the Board of Directors of the Family and Divorce Mediation Council of Greater New York, and he is also a Financial neutral in mediation and collaborative cases. He stated this at a meeting of the NYS Council on Divorce Mediation a few weeks ago.

If we come to a separation with that mentality, we must show how badly we've been wronged, for the worse off we are emotionally, the more we stand to gain financially. It focuses on punishing bad behavior for what has happened in the past.

Is that the collaborative process? No! In the collaborative or mediation process, we are looking to see how we can use the existing resources to get the best outcomes for every member of the family. Or to use the existing resources to increase what is available. (In other words, instead of dividing the pie up, make a bigger pie!) This keeps us focused more in the present, asking the question - what is the best outcome given where we are now?

It's a whole different mindset!

Obama and Mediation

"In the end, then, what is called for is nothing more, and nothing less, than what all the world's great religions demand - that we do unto others as we would have them do unto us. Let us be our brother's keeper... Let us be our sister's keeper. Let us find that common stake we all have in one another, and let our politics reflect that spirit as well." -- Barack Obama, Philadelphia, PA, March 18, 2008.

Mediation is built upon a notion that people in conflict can work to solve a problem together. But to do that, we must allow ourselves to see what the Quakers would call "that of God" in the other person. We must disengage, if only for a few moments, from sparring with the other, and hear what that person is saying. It is at that moment that they will hear us. Light and air come in the room.

I am tremendously excited about Obama's campaign, because he is fundamentally inclusive. He understands, perhaps intuitively, perhaps by working at it, the very core of mediation. What would it mean if we had, as president, someone who was a mediator at his center?