And then there are the logistics to work out.
And part of my job, like a ship captain, is to turn them around to face another direction. Suddenly, the three of us (in mediation), or the four of us (in a collaborative process), are looking at something together. We've got a problem to solve. How are we going to solve this problem? Instead of facing each other, with blame and despair, we are working together as a team.
Because now the focus is on something logistical. Something solvable. And the couple is no longer each other's enemy. Often this is the aha! moment - the moment when the insolvable seems suddenly manageable.